Recently I have had a couple things go sour, this year doesn't seem to be starting out the way I had hoped, but as they say - Have hope! So I do! Things may not always go to plan in your life, sometimes it may seem like everyone and everything is plotting against you. Sometimes all it takes to turn it around is getting rid of some bad energy and people in your life. I thought that I should share in my experiences and give you guys some tips on when to get out. Be it a job you're being bullied at, a friendship that isn't at all rewarding, or a relationship that just plain sucks. Here are some tell tale signs of when to scoot. And fast!
SOS I hate my job!
I've been here since December, though technically I do still work at my job. I haven't gone for the past month. It turned out that my boss had it in for me in more than one way. So I'm on leave till I find something better. It took me a while to see, but here are some little tips for if you feel uneasy around the work place.
- The last person you should have to have your guard up with is your boss, right? Right. But sometimes this isn't the case. If your boss ever does anything to make you feel uncomfortable or in danger, use this as a sign that you need to take a step back and evaluate your position at your work place. Ignoring it could make more trouble that its worth. Speak to a HR Manager (If you have one) or a close work colleague. It might not be all in your head. You may be able to move departments if you work for a large company, or if you work for a smaller one like I did, you might need to have a serious talk with your boss or like in my case - get out. Sexual harassment isn't something young women should have to deal with. And don't. No amount of pay is worth feeling scared for your safety at work.
- You feel over worked and underpaid. This can be a tricky one. Another thing I had problems with. Check the contract you signed when you first started work there. How many hours does it specify? What about sick leave? Pay? Make sure you read through the details carefully and speak to your employer if you see anything amiss.
- You feel bullied. Yet another problem I faced. (Not the dream job I always wanted, I assure you). If you're at a larger company, definitely speak to your HR manager. This is the fast way to get that jerk to stop slapping your ass or get that supervisor to lay off. Smaller companies are tricky. If its a colleague that you feel is giving you a hard time. Take them aside and speak to them about it. Or if you don't feel comfortable with this, speak to your employer. If it is your employer that is bullying you, see above or call the workplace ombudsman.
SOS I hate hanging out with them! They're such jerks!!!
You're not alone. We all change and grow and become different people. Every 7 years we are meant to be a completely different person than we were previously. Its no wonder we grow out of our friends. Its just life. Last year I had my first official "friendship breakup". It was sad, but in the end we had nothing in common anymore and we both decided to give up. You may be sitting there thinking "well you probably wernt that close to start with!". I have news for you. This girl was one of my best and closest friends. I lived with her when times were rough at home when I was younger. We used to be inseparable. But as the years went on, I became more mature and it seems she just stayed where she was. We all grow up at different rates, and its hard. But that's just how it is.
- If you feel like a friend of yours is constantly taking advantage of you, putting you down, spiting you, doing things to hurt you constantly or being a dreadful person in general towards you, pull them aside and have a word. It might not always be them being a jerk. Sometimes people take out their feelings of anger or depression on the ones they care for the most. Grab a coffee together and ask them if everything is okay. They might be having problems at home or just need a shoulder to cry on. Other times they can be jealous or just mean people. If this is the case then you might as well just tell them you don't want to hang out anymore. You're time is precious, you should fill it with loving people and happy memories. Not fending off verbal abuse by your BFF.
- If you have a friend who never seems to have money, asks you to borrow things and never returns them or steals, your alarm bells should be going off like mad. Friendship is equal. You should be able to feel like you can go out with them and not have to shout them beer constantly. Maybe you should sit them down and tell them to manage their finances better before you go out with them again. As far as borrowing stuff and not returning it and stealing. Its not on. A major trust issue with allowing people into your house in the first place is trusting they wont rob you. First its a top, then a dress then its your beloved Burberry handbag you found on sale. Letting people get away with stuff like this only encourages them to keep doing it until they get caught. Using stuff without asking (this applies to people you live with mostly) is just as rude. My old housemate used to use my laptop without asking all the time. Soon she was going into my room to use it when I was at work, then deleting my important data. See? It escalates. People should always ask if they want to use something. No matter how small. Its a respect thing.
SOS My boyfriend is a jerk!
I have the worst track record when it comes to dating. I sure can pick em! They're always nice at first. But then Dr. Jekyll is gone and you have Mr. Hyde. Relationships, like friendships, should be equal. If one of you is more selfish than the other or you have different needs then there could be a problem. Given this is only a could. If you don't feel right in your relationship, there could be a good reason. And in this case there is sadly one solution. People don't change.
- "He hates my friends and gets jealous easily". I hear this soooo often its not funny. This is one of those silly trust issues that come about more often then you think. I dated a guy who was jealous of the attention I gave my DOG. Ridiculous. You shouldn't waste your time with people like this, as its obvious that they have 'issues' and probably cant be trusted themselves. You can do better. And your partner should always love your friends. Especially if you do.
- If the response to "does my bum look big in this" is 'yes' or you hear things that make you feel ashamed more than usual or at all. Chances are you're with a control freak. Get out. Seriously. Equality remember? Putting you down and making you feel small is how some people control the ones around them and its a form of bullying. You don't have to change a thing. You're the catch remember? Never let a man put you down or make you feel insignificant. Looks or otherwise. You're amazing. And he should tell you that as much and as often as he can.
* Real men will always treat you like the queen you are. Always.
If you guys have any other questions, if you're having more complicated troubles, I can post an answer for you anonymously.
Sometimes we all feel a little down. Sometimes when we feel a little down we cant see to see anything 'la vie en rose' no matter how hard we try. This in itself can make your mood worse and all you want to do is 'poof' and vanish. The world can be a tough place when you're by yourself and there isn't always a helping hand. So I have written a few things that work for me when I'm in the deepest and bluest of the deep blue funks.
♥Take a bath, add bubbles and turn on some calming music. Breathe slowly and focus on your breath. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Clear your head. Relax. Its just you and the water. ♥Jump on your bed. Being silly and the physical exertion will activate endorphins and get you feeling a bit better. To step it up, put on some bright colored clothing and go for a run.
♥Clean your house. Getting rid of ex boyfriends belongings. Give the dog a bath. A tidy up can make you feel like you've accomplished something and will clear your head. Force yourself to do it. Turn up your iPod and get cracking.
♥Calorie fest. Yes I know its a bit weird to suggest it, but it works. Don't do it all the time though. That's when it gets a bit destructive. Eating isn't a solution. But its nice to have a couple choccies when you're feeling blue.
♥Rug up and watch a bad movie. The special effects being terrible and the mic coming down from the top of the screen will be sure to make you laugh. And you don't have to stick to 'bad' movies either, pick out a romance movie, grab some tissues and let out some of that hurt, or you could get a cool action flick and yell at the screen.
♥Retail Therapy. Try to stay away from buying clothing though, if it doesn't look right or things are a little small, it'll make you feel worse. Go to the Bodyshop, Lush, Tiffany&Co. Cartier, or Louis Vutton. Accessories and body stuff don't often come in sizes and when it doesn't suit you, you wont take it personally. Pick up something nice or just try stuff on. Spoiling yourself a little can help you feel a lot better.
♥Sing! Crank up your best party mix and go nuts! Scream if you have to! Let out some of those feelings. Why keep whats hurting you?
♥Sleep. You can wake up feeling relaxed and refreshed, often feelings like stress and anxiety can wear you out, you become exhausted and some shut eye will help fix that. You should be getting 6 hours sleep a night, at least! Your body needs to sleep so it can heal and regain energy to run properly. Also make sure you're eating properly and excersising. Stay awat from caffene and sugar before you sleep to get there quicker and if you're still having trouble speak to your GP.
♥Go for a walk. Get on a train to nowhere. Just being alone and doing what you want can give you a high and make you feel better. Know that you have no one to please but yourself and in that you'll stress less about the rest of the stuff your life.
♥Read. Curling up on the couch or in the park or on the beach with a good book can get you out of your head and into to someone else's. Try any Jane Austin, Patric Suskind's Perfume, Daphne du Maurier's Rebecca, F. Scott Fitsgerald's The Great Gatsby or The Lambs of London by Peter Ackroyd. Stop by your nearest Dymmoks or Boarders and see what they have to offer. You can pick up a few books and delve deep into your own imagination. Your mind is the limit.
I hate hats. I do. Honestly they can look as good as they want on me, I wont enjoy wearing them unless I am having a hair day that leaves me resembling a bush. But like with many accessories I have had to sit down and decide what I should be wearing, even when my hair is respectable, or God forbid, good.
Go on. Say it."You think that hat looks great on me! I've heard this before.. You're not changing my mind. No I wont buy it." If this sounds like you when you're wondering through stores with your friends trying on accessories as you pass them, then welcome to my world. I am terrified of hats. And the reason? Hat hair.. The very thought gets me in a cold sweat! I cant bear the thought of my beloved hair all creased and misshapen after I have spent even 10 minutes on it. Granted I have hats. We all have bad hair days and sometimes they seem to be the only option, but mixed in with my coherent-hair-inclusive outfits? *gasp* Nooo! How terrifying. This problem of mine got to a stage where I got a stern telling off from a friend about the matter. Then I had a craving for a particular hat and its all been downhill from there. I still hate them. But I've had to learn to trust them with my hair.
I have found a few hats, ones that have had to be great in so many ways that they can be worn - with dignity and my hair done.
I have a red one. Everyone should have one. A Barret is perfect for everything. Always. Classy and elegant. Not to mention nice to your hair. They have a certain jeneiseiquoiabout them and their charm is hard to beat. Get one. Seriously. Do it.*swoons* Goes with any hairstyle. Just up to you what you do with it!
This hat can be done with class, I promise. Just steer clear of any made of polar fleece or super deluxe heavy duty knit. A good beanie should be thinly knitted, either machine or hand is fine, tight knit or loose is up to you, and they should never be too tight. Otherwise you'll look like a fisherman. And they should be neutral hair-type colors. Grey, red, black, white, cream. Stick with these. The awesome thing about beanies is you can wear them and still have a tulle flower in your hair. Wear chunky plaits, side ponytails, or leave your hair down. Never squeeze a high pony tail into one, stay away from ponytails that sit in the middle of your neck and I cant stress enough that you leave hair out of it. Never tuck it up. You'll look bald.
♥Straw Wide Brimmed Hat
Reserved only for the beach. You can get them from stores like Country Road and Billabong. They only really go with mature beachwear (i.e not board shorts and bikini. Try one piece and sarong), hair down and big sunnies. Get one for those sunny Summer days when you're heading to the beach.
These are super cool but also super hard to find clothes they go with. (this only applies to girls) Stick with androgynous clothing, like pants and waistcoats. Wear chunky messy low tied hair styles and try not to take it off as this hat is notorious for the dreaded 'hat hair'. When you get your hair and the hat just right, leave it. Take it off only to scratch. Do not wear it with your hair down unless you have super long hair.
♥Pork Pie Hat
This hat is very cool and was very popular in the 60's when they were worn by the 'rude boys'. They are made of felt or less commonly straw. You should apply the same rules as with the Fedora. For those of you who've never heard of such a thing, here's a photo. ♥Trucker/baseball/gangster hat.
This hat I would usually condemn to use by only males, but I will say they can look cute. Note that i say 'can'. Try to get one that is as 'you' as possible, and make sure you have clothes that go with it. When wearing it you should not resemble a guy at all. You should dress in light weight clothing and avoid bulky stuff at all costs. Just leave your hair down and don't let it look ratty. Trucker hats on girls should look cute. See what I mean?
Now that I've shown you some cool hat types you can know what to arm yourselves with so you don't get stuck in public with hat hair ever again after having to remove a hat you think looks crap. And FYI, the thing that sets hat hair off the worst is humid or super hot weather, making your head sweat and wetting your hair, ruining any straightening you many have spent all morning doing. Check the net if you think it could be a humid day. Or you could opt for slightly looser hats on warmer days.
With emails and text messages becoming the new form of conversation, the words "I Love You" are becoming less and less meaningful. As the world changes and people become more desensitised "I Love You" becomes "Love Ya" and it is fast turning into the way to say goodbye to everyone. I went over a few ways to really say I love you. And make it count. Je t'aime!
Write something. Anything! A friend of mine recently broke up with his "Amazing Girlfriend" by mistake and is trying with all his heart to get her back. So he wrote her a letter - for which I was asked to proof read - and it really spoke to me. I only read the actual words once but it wasn't them that said he loved her. It was the way he said everything. With all his heart. "I need you, for without you I am not whole", the love flowed as this boy bore his whole heart to her. He didn't hold anything back, he wasn't scared of his feelings at all. Even though she might never take him back, he still let her know how loved and missed she really was. It was refreshing to see that this kind of love is still around.
You don't have to write a letter like his, as yes, sometimes it can be full on and a little scary, feelings are a hard thing to show, as a lot of us have been hurt and that scares us. Look at how people used to say"I love you" here and compare it to how people do nowadays. Its very very different. Love is now scary and weird, people don't want to suffer to find their great love. They want a quick-fix without all the emotion. Its a sad sight, but that's just how we've evolved emotionally as humans.
If you find writing a letter bearing all horrifying you could try writing all the things that makes you love them, look here for inspiration. Complement them and make them laugh. You could try your hand at a sonnet or some poetry too! (Its never outdated, I don't care what anyone says.) Just put that pen to paper and let the love flow.
You could even learn to say it in a different language! I have provided some for you below.
♥French - je t'aime ♥Italian/Latin - Ti amo ♥Japanese - Kimi o ai shiteru ♥Danish - Jeg elsker dig ♥German - Ich liebe Dich ♥Dutch - Ik hou van jou ♥Swedish - Ag älskar dig ♥Russian - Ya vas liubliu ♥Spanish - Te Amo ♥Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni
Love can come from anywhere, so be sure to stay prepared. Do some art for him. Whether its painting, photography, sculpture, drawing, graffiti, or cooking. Whatever you do, do it with your heart. Who cares if you're not the most dexterous of people. If you do it with love, your message will shine through the scribbles. Think of all the great artists who worked in the name of Love! There are millions of artists out there who put their feelings for another out for the world to see. Become one and let the world know. Check out DeviantArt.com or Flickr for some examples or post your own!
Say it by showing them how well you know them. If you see something they would love, get it! A beautiful red autumn leaf pressed in a book for a while could make a great bookmark for your bookworm boyfriend, or maybe a Wall-e phone charm would be more fitting? What does he love? Get something that'll compliment him and show him you're thinking about him.
Try something he loves that you wouldn't usually do. Sometimes just going out of your way and showing interest in their hobbies can say more than words can. Get him to teach you, and actually listen! Don't just go watch him do it, get involved. If he likes to play football ask him if he could teach you a few moves, or if he's the artsy type, ask him if you can make something together! Its not hard, and you'll be learning something new. So you both win.
Touch him. No. Not like that.. Well.. Maybe later. What I'm trying to say is touch his body. Give him a massage, rub his head, squeeze his arms, scratch his back. Maybe have a bath together and give each other massages? Studies have shown that human touch releases endorphins and can help with stress and other illnesses. A 15 minute massage on a newborn baby will help it gain weight faster than if you don't. So get some scented oils and get sensual. Help him switch off. (And don't forget to get them back!)
Make Love. Don't just 'have sex' or 'f@#k' or whatever you call it. Making Love isn't just about the big finale, its about the whole experience. The world is now so caught up on everything being 'instant' and we all want everything 'now now now' it seems like most of us have lost the ability to Make Love. Take time to touch each other and kiss, go slowly and make eye contact. Pick a time when you can fall asleep together, and don't rush anything. Take time undressing each other and kiss him and be kissed all over. Put on some slow music, light candles, adjust the lighting, there are heaps of things you can do to set the mood. Foreplay is just as important as the actual lovemaking, as the foreplay will determine the length and type of sex. Hot, fast and heavy will get you just that. So slow it down and take your time. And no. 15 Minutes is not acceptable for this particular activity. Click here, or here or here for some 'how to's' to do it properly. Its harder than you think! But its definetly worth it. (Leave the websites open on your computer for your Mr. to 'happen' a pon if he doesn't get it). Making Love rather than just sex will bring you closer together as a couple and strengthen your love for each other. So its worth the time it takes to read up on it. You'll thank me.
Just spend time together. You don't need to spend money, go out or be anywhere exciting. Just lie in bed together and talk. Turn off your phones sometimes and make it all about you as 'we'. Cuddle, kiss, go for a walk and hold hands. I was playing a game on the net the other day and the other people - guys mainly - were talking about things they do for their girlfriends and wives. One guy woke up early and about to make his girlfriend breakfast in bed (even though he didnt understand why women like it), another had taken her skiing, another just took some time out of his day to tell his wife of 20 years how much he cares about and loved her. It doesnt always have to be him doing romantic things. Guys don't like to say it but they do like being spoilt sometimes. So go ahead. Take some time, make him feel special.
So I've given you a couple of ways to show the love. My main point is this though. Love like you've never been hurt, be understanding, have patience and be equals. Lets try and get that divorce rate down, get it right the first time.
Dates are super fun and a great way to get to know your loved one. They're also a great way to show someone how much they mean to you. Now dates don't need to be flashy. They don't need to involve flowers and candy and expensive dinners for two. Their one requirement is that the both of you are able to have fun together! So come on girls, lets show those boys some fun!
Picnics are always fun. And some thing I've learned it that you don't always need to have picnics at the park. You can have them at beaches too, back yards, lakes or even in your living room! The main things you'll need to have a proper picnic date is as follows:
Blanket- You can pick up proper picnic blankets for around $12 nowadays, so spring some dough for one. You'll use it more than you think!
Basket or esky - Depending on the food you'll be bringing you'll need either of these to transport it. You can now buy picnic baskets that come with cutlery and glasses! Though they are rather pricey, why not stop off at a thrift shop and find a nice big basket? Some cheap wine glasses and unique utensils. You could get one without a lid, it doesn't matter. Just get some 'picnic-ey' material and line it and make a cover. Remember when packing the picnic basket that you have at least one spare glass incase one breaks, or just pack plastic. Cheaper and less cumbersome than glass. Though doesn't give the same feel. But its what you make it, not what you bring that counts. Also you'll need to pack a large chopping board to put the food on, you don't want to have it directly on the blanket and the ground underneath will prove hard to balance glasses on.
Food - For Summer time picnics, bring a french bread stick, cheese, dips, pickled and sun dried things, sandwiches, crackers, little cakes and a drink that's big enough for both of you to enjoy over a few hours without having to run to the shops. A bottle of wine, some lemonade would be good. Keep it light and refreshing! For colder weather picnics go for a thermos filled with hot cocoa, some croissants and things to put in them, crunchy bread sticks with dips, if you want wine go with a nice red - if you don't know much about wine you can always ask the clerk at the liquor store to suggest something that would go with your food. - red wine will keep you warm and can turn your nose a cute pink! Remember to pack a blanket too, and some mugs for the cocoa. For sweets pack some rich chocolate and decadent cakes!
When planning food do not pack junk. There is nothing worse than sitting in a park with your lover scoffing Doritos and drinking carton chocolate milk. It looks awful and this is meant to be romantic people!
Ambiance - If you want some music to listen to on your picnic date pick up some speakers for your mp3 player and make a playlist with songs that make you feel fuzzy inside. For me thats Frou Frou, HelloGoodbye, Postal Service, Deathcab for Cutie, Love drug, Bloc Party and Her Space Holiday to name a few. They all have one thing in common, my man and I both love them! Don't make a playlist off all the songs only you love, ask your partner what they like too! Its great if you have similar tastes, but sometimes you don't. Keep everyone happy and put in a bit of both your tastes, or try to pick out songs you both like from each others genre's. If you want to have a night time picnic, stop by your local hardware store and pick up some lanterns to place on the blanket, you should only need about 2 or 3 to keep the area lit well enough to see everything properly and not knock over bottles of wine all over each other. Or you can go old fashioned and get candles, but they can be a bit hard to keep lit of its windy. Warmth is sometimes an issue on picnics, especially in winter or you're at the beach. Bring a blanket you can both cuddle up in and rub noses to keep warm. Making out can get things pretty hot too. But don't be that couple in the park who women have to shield their kids eyes from. Keep it tame, you are in public after all.
After reading my good friend Audrey's post on what boys should wear to bed, (See BoyTherapy 'Jammies! Jammies! Jammies!') I thought about what girls wear to bed.
There are all sorts of things girls can don in the sack, as with most fashion women seem to have a lot more choices than men. You can go from $12 packet pj from Coles to chiffon negligees by Chanel. They have dedicated whole shops to dressing women for sleep! And with no shortage of variety, what do your jammies say about you?
Classic Flannelet PJ sets
Well we'll start off with these I guess.. You tend to find these in the sleep section of Target or other department stores, with prints like Tweety Bird and Whinnie the Pooh on them. These are for the girl in you. And by girl I mean little girl. Or toddler. Not the most imaginative of sleepwear and tend to drown you in your bed. They scream "I'll be that little old lady that collects cat figurines!" and are probably best left for the tweens out there.
Take everything bad about the Classics. Now burn it. You're left with comfy jammies that don't drown you and actually fit. With designers out there that dedicate their whole range to awesome sleep wear, you have no excuse not to be great in bed. Get into (my personal favorite) PeterAlexander and have a look around. Guaranteed they will have something with your name written on it. With quirky slogans or beautiful girly designs, there's something for everyone. From sleep shorts to 3/4 pants to full length bottoms with a range of different tops. These say "I'm ready! Look what I can do with my eyes closed!"
Well we get to the naughtier side of things now, women's bed clothes differ from men's in a big way here. As woman actually have sleep wear designed for, well.. Not much sleeping! You can find Negligees by nearly every designer out there and they are super super sexy and feminine. Be sure to check if your man has a heart condition before wearing one to bed, as it will be sure to get his thumping! This sort of sleepwear doesn't really say something, but sort of purrs gently in your ear before giving you a steamy kiss.
Clothing to bed
Don't. Just Don't. Not that I know many cases of girls falling into bed fully clothed, but it must be noted that this, under no circumstances is allowed. Not even when you have been drinking. Boys can do it, but they are boys! Not girls in sequin tops with necklaces and layers. No, I don't even care how much you have been drinking!!! I have never had a problem getting out of my clothes after a big night that had me driving the porcalin bus. So you have no excuse. Tshirts are okay. BED Tshirts! Bumming around the house Tshirts! Nothing else. Ever. If you do this I don't care what you have to say. No one is listening.
Undies have always been the easiest thing to wear to bed. Great for hot nights or if you're too drunk to change into pyjamas. They're always there and you can wear them at other peoples houses too! No one will say 'no' to a girl sleeping in her knickers. You also have the option of wearing a Tshirt, tank top or nothing at all. (which is not recommended for wear at your in-laws or friends houses) When wearing undies to bed make sure you pick up some liners. "Keep your knickers nice". They keep you fresh and can stop you from getting bladder infections when you sweat too much in bed, as generally you will be hot if you're sleeping in undies. They say "I'm kinda lazy, but who cares. I have hot legs." But try not to wear tight Lycra knickers to bed.. You should wear cotton so your privates can get some air. They need to breathe so that the environment doesnt go bad and you get itchy.
Your (ex)boyfriends massive T shirts
These are like trophies, and any girl will agree, wearing her mans Tshirts to bed is comforting on those nights where he isn't around. The pheromones that stick to the shirt (and they do even after being washed) will relax you and make you feel safe. Plus they're super comfy and you can throw them on with nothing underneath! They say "He's taken ladies" And "If you want this back come get it.." When you wear an ex's its a bit different. You lose the sensitivity to their pheromones and you've probably had it on your floor for a couple of weeks before you can bare to wear it anyway. Still its a trophy. Wearing an ex's T says "I will eat you alive" (Well that's what I think anyway.. I'm not much of a trophy hoarder)
Sleeping naked is great. But kinda weird when you're alone. Reserved for the hottest of nights or when you've just had a romp with your man, its a great way to relax and its actually good for you. It 'aerates' all those parts of your body that you constantly keep covered and stops gross stuff from going on below the belt. If you are sleeping naked with your man, be careful of him. Nothing worse than flailing about, unrestricted and hurting the poor guys man business. Sleeping naked says "Phew, I'm tired! How about you Honey?"
Boobies! How great they are. Male or Female, everyone loves boobs. Don't deny it. You dig em.
Today we will tackle the biggest issues I believe young woman face when it comes to breasteses. How much or how little you show, what bras are best for what activities and what should you be wearing to support these great assets.
First up, boobies come in all shapes and sizes. With all different colors and proportions! There is no 'right' breast size and shape to be. Just love them unconditionally, you might not think they're awesome, but guaranteed there will be more than one person put there that will think they are.
There are a multitude of brands out there with one purpose. Holding them up and keeping em comfy. Though some do it better than others. First you gotta find a brand or brands you like and can afford, next you need decide the type of bra. Wire, no wire, padded, silky, cotton these are all a comfort thing and it differs from girl to girl what you will want to and feel comfortable wearing. Bras come in all shapes and types! (Like breasts) And not to mention sizes. Most brands of bras come in AA, A, B, C, D and DD with other more specialised brands going all the way to a G cup! The cup size is determined by the size and width of your breast. Some breasts appear smaller but because they start further back on the chest, they look like a B but could be a DD (Like yours truly) Others seem larger but could only be a C! I know I've had a few girls a couple sizes smaller than me have way better cleavage. But that's another story..
Another thing that determines size is the back size. This will be about the same size as your tops. If you're a size 10 top, chances are you're the same in bra size! But beware. A size 10DD is way different from a size 12 or 14DD. You should always ask the women who work are bra stores to help you get fitted into your new bra. Every single time. They're trained to do this and will know what fits you a lot better than you might. And if you think I'm wrong, look at the statistics. 70% of woman are wearing the wrong size bra!
Now lets get into the types of bras. Let the fun begin!
The T shirt Bra
This bra can be worn under anything. Some even come with detachable straps for strapless dresses and tops! They're designed to give you a smooth shape and are pretty much the comfiest type you can get. Supportive, and make you look good. This is the every day bra. They can come in a range of funky colors but tend to be a little bland looking on their own. Not something to wear to a sexy hotel sleepover, but good to pack for the morning after. They can have straps, detachable straps, no straps, be for wearing with looooooow necked dresses, backless, and they will be seamless. You'll be wearing this the most so don't be afraid to pick up a bunch.
Sports bras are exactly that. For sports. You should wash them after you wear them every time and you don't need to be fitted for them. They give maximum support so you're able to jog, run, skydive in complete comfort. If you're a gym goer or a morning run type. Grab a couple, not the cheap and nasty ones though. You need maximum support or you could really hurt yourself. Make sure you ask the shop assistants whats the best one for your sport of choice vs your breast size. When running, breasts can bounce from 7cm to over 20cm!!! Get the one that keeps you safe. Other wise you could have some not so nice problems in the future.
This bra gets a little naughtier, though still in the style of the T-shirt, most Push-up Bras will leave you with a smooth finish so you can wear them under a t-shirt or cute top without them jumping out and shouting "LOOK HOW KINKY I AM!!!" Most Push-Ups will increase your bra size to about 1 or 2 sizes bigger than you actually are. And you can always buy the good ol 'chicken-fillet' inserts to pump it up some more. This can be an everyday bra, but remember to let your boobies relax once and a while. They can leave marks and bruise your precious breasts if you wear them too much. Make sure you get fitted properly for this bra so you don't 'burst' out of them. They should look real.
Lace and Silk
These bras are the ones you *would* wear to a kinky night in. They say "come get me" and leave men wanting more. They usually come in sets with Undies and are a little dearer than your T shirt or Push-Up. But boy they are worth it. These are not for everyday. But more a special occasion bra. They are made to be seen. And wouldn't it be a shame to keep them hidden under clothing?
These days, bra shops are full of fun things for you to wear with or in or on your bras. You can buy 'chicken-fillets' for a quickie breast implant or clear straps to wear with tank tops or lacey straps! You can buy lovely smelling drawer cushions, delicate's bags, and other naughty novelties. Shops like Bras n things or the Intimates Store are great for this sort of stuff. Now days you can even go to stores like Morrisey or Lonsdale and buy some comfy Sports or T shirt Bras! I know PeterAlexander has some cute lacy ribbon-ey lingerie sets out that are just beautiful..
Wash your bras in a 'delicate's bag'. They'll keep their shape longer and wont get tangled with the rest of your washing.
Don't wear the same bra 2 days in a row. The foam and fabric needs to rest in order to stay firm and you don't want to stretch the straps, other wise the whole bra becomes useless.
You can buy little scented cushions of potpourri or soap to keep in your knicker drawer it'll keep your undies fresh smelling and stop moths from getting to them.
Try not to wear bras to bed. I know it happens sometimes, but do try. You need to let the bra and your breasts rest. The bra will stretch and your boobies can bruise, leaving you with painful indents under your breasts and armpits. Not a good look..
When dressing your boobs sometimes you wanna show some off. But, how much is too much?
You should show a maximum of a third of your breasts and not let them 'burst' out the neck of your top. They should sit comfortably and not look squished or forced. SQUASHED IS NOT ATTRACTIVE!!! They need to look natural. Even if you have fake ones! You don't want them pushed up around your throat... They're there to add to your look. Not *be* your look. You don't want to be that 'big ol pair of titties' that walks around town do you? No. Keep it classy. Dress em with pretty necklaces and broaches on your tops. Wear nice neck lines and don't you dare store things in your cleavage. (I know some of you do it) Bras are for boobs and boobs only. Not phones, pens or money.
IMPORTANT! You get what you pay for. A good bra these days goes for about $50 or more. So look after them. They're not cheap.
Remember to always wear something you're comfortable with, you don't want to spend all your money on a bright red velor push up and never wear it. Make sure its you, as you'll be the one who sees it the most.
"My heart never left you for a second and I am and will be until in the other world the one who loved you without measure"
- Hector Savinien Cyrano de Bergerac to his beloved Roxane
I know its a little early in the year to start talking about Love, we should wait until Valentines Day right? Wrong. Love shouldn't have to wait. Besides! We gotta get someone to love before we can have a Valentine right?
I was talking to a girl in PeterAlexander today about Valentines day and what we - the newly single - were going to do. Most women in this category spend the day alone. Box of chocolates in hand, tissues in the other and The Notebook on. Wiping tears and wishing we had a man to snuggle in to. This ladies, needs to stop. Put on those bright pink cargo pants and repeat after me!!! "I don't need a man to make me happy!!!" And you shouldn't! After all, you're a super fox who could rule the world if you put in the effort.
First things first. If not the calorie fest and romance movie marathon, then what? Well. Did I ever say you had to throw that idea out? No. Tailor it to something less tragic, and well, more fun!!! Grab all your single gal pals and arrange a big night in! Nail polish, popcorn, pink cupcakes, what more could you want? Still thinking "a man! Duuh!!!" Well guess what. You're doing it wrong. Chuck on some movies where men are total idiots! Sure most of them come good in the end. But they are always idiots before they meet the girl. ;)
If you're a bit like me and lacking the funds and gal pals, you could grab your GBF (gay/guy best friend) and hit the town. You don't need to go on a date, but its nice to spoil someone if you care about them. Boyfriend or not. Just ask them if they'd like to hang out and boycott Valentines Day with you. I'm sure they'll say yes.
Spoil yourself. Hit up Lush, or the Body Shop and grab some yummy smelling delights. Dye your hair and get your nails done!! You gotta show these boys what you're worth. Get some silk JimJams and show yourself a little love. ;) If you know what I mean...
But enough about V day. Thats one day out of a whole year!!! Why should you have to wait all that time to be a girly girl and show yourself some love? You should take a little time out of every day to show yourself how special you are. Smile at yourself in the mirror, take a 5 minute break and think about what you've acheived today. It doesnt have to cost you money everytime - though it would be nice - after all, its the thought that counts.
NOW! Onto the good stuff. The BOY stuff. How to snag yourself a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy). Trust me, these are the guys you want. But beware! Some men can be Jerks in SNAGs clothing. I came across this exact thing in a past relationship. I got the whole 9 yards. Roses to my work, fancy dinners out. But the thing was, I was a "ball buster", he forgot to call for 4 days and worst of all, he didnt like my puppy. Sorry bucko. Not interested!!
You should never let any man tell you how you should be, what you should do and what you should like. You are you. You come first and last! So with that in mind, and if you put up your standards, you will meet better men. Its really that simple!
Too many girls I come across I see with total losers. No job, bossy, rude, cant stop swearing, just not nice men. I pulled one of my girl friends aside and asked her why she was with such a god-aweful man. Her answer "Its the best I can do". I stopped, dumbfounded. How the hell can this Goddess of a woman be serious!? But she was! Dead serious. She thought this guy was the best you could get in this day and age! Suddenly I felt blessed for the boy I've been seeing. He may be a little quirky but he is a Prince commpaired to this jerk.
How to spot a catch, 101 by me.
He will open car doors, pay where he can and never talk down to you. He'll tell you 'you're beautiful' and mean it. He'll pay on the first date, call you/msg you, think about you, tell you he's thinking about you, put in the effort and make you feel amazing.
Most importantly he WONT mess you about. He knows you're a queen. And he'll treat you like one. This however is NOT license to walk all over the guy. Just because he bought you all that nice food and those flowers does not mean he is made of money. Offer to pay sometimes and don't forget your manners, say 'Thank you'. But the first date is all him, so you shouldn't have to bring your wallet. You're the catch, remember?
*(Also, good men arn't always loaded, they'll do what they can but sometimes they just cant. Please don't hold it against them. They can make up for it by cooking for you - feelble efforts still count - picking flowers, writing poetry/songs/letters, etc. Let the love flow, not the cash)
IMPORTANT! He will chase you. Don't you dare chase him. Put down that phone!! Right now young lady! You are worth calling. And if he's worth answering, he'll call. Trust me. I know, I know. Its hard to sit there and wait for someone else to do something isn't it. After all most men arn't really good at that sort of thing. But he *will* call you, or email you if he doesnt have your number or show up at your door with flowers and a dumb grin on his face, or sometimes just the dumb grin. He'll find you if he really wants you. There is nothing worse than being with someone who isnt that into you, so just let him chase.
But what about before the first date? How do you find these alleged good guys that'll do all this wonderful stuff for you? Its hard to pick the duds from the studs from afar. So, get amongst it! You wont get asked out on dates sitting on your couch watching Gossip Girl and painting your nails! Grab a group of friends and go out dancing, go wine tasting, horse riding, sky diving! Anything that'll get you outside and meeting new people, and if you do something you love, chances are the guys you'll meet there will have similar interests to you. For instance, like scuba diving? Go! You might just score a date with that cute instructor. Remember though, you wont get asked out everywhere you go. But you cant make dating your life either. 'Life is too important to be taken seriously' said Oscar Wilde once. And he's right! Relax, and most of all! ENJOY!