Words of Warning. When to get out.

Recently I have had a couple things go sour, this year doesn't seem to be starting out the way I had hoped, but as they say - Have hope! So I do! Things may not always go to plan in your life, sometimes it may seem like everyone and everything is plotting against you. Sometimes all it takes to turn it around is getting rid of some bad energy and people in your life. I thought that I should share in my experiences and give you guys some tips on when to get out. Be it a job you're being bullied at, a friendship that isn't at all rewarding, or a relationship that just plain sucks. Here are some tell tale signs of when to scoot. And fast!

SOS I hate my job!

I've been here since December, though technically I do still work at my job. I haven't gone for the past month. It turned out that my boss had it in for me in more than one way. So I'm on leave till I find something better. It took me a while to see, but here are some little tips for if you feel uneasy around the work place.

- The last person you should have to have your guard up with is your boss, right? Right. But sometimes this isn't the case. If your boss ever does anything to make you feel uncomfortable or in danger, use this as a sign that you need to take a step back and evaluate your position at your work place. Ignoring it could make more trouble that its worth. Speak to a HR Manager (If you have one) or a close work colleague. It might not be all in your head. You may be able to move departments if you work for a large company, or if you work for a smaller one like I did, you might need to have a serious talk with your boss or like in my case - get out. Sexual harassment isn't something young women should have to deal with. And don't. No amount of pay is worth feeling scared for your safety at work.

- You feel over worked and underpaid. This can be a tricky one. Another thing I had problems with. Check the contract you signed when you first started work there. How many hours does it specify? What about sick leave? Pay? Make sure you read through the details carefully and speak to your employer if you see anything amiss.

- You feel bullied. Yet another problem I faced. (Not the dream job I always wanted, I assure you). If you're at a larger company, definitely speak to your HR manager. This is the fast way to get that jerk to stop slapping your ass or get that supervisor to lay off. Smaller companies are tricky. If its a colleague that you feel is giving you a hard time. Take them aside and speak to them about it. Or if you don't feel comfortable with this, speak to your employer. If it is your employer that is bullying you, see above or call the workplace ombudsman.


SOS I hate hanging out with them! They're such jerks!!!

You're not alone. We all change and grow and become different people. Every 7 years we are meant to be a completely different person than we were previously. Its no wonder we grow out of our friends. Its just life. Last year I had my first official "friendship breakup". It was sad, but in the end we had nothing in common anymore and we both decided to give up. You may be sitting there thinking "well you probably wernt that close to start with!". I have news for you. This girl was one of my best and closest friends. I lived with her when times were rough at home when I was younger. We used to be inseparable. But as the years went on, I became more mature and it seems she just stayed where she was. We all grow up at different rates, and its hard. But that's just how it is.

- If you feel like a friend of yours is constantly taking advantage of you, putting you down, spiting you, doing things to hurt you constantly or being a dreadful person in general towards you, pull them aside and have a word. It might not always be them being a jerk. Sometimes people take out their feelings of anger or depression on the ones they care for the most. Grab a coffee together and ask them if everything is okay. They might be having problems at home or just need a shoulder to cry on. Other times they can be jealous or just mean people. If this is the case then you might as well just tell them you don't want to hang out anymore. You're time is precious, you should fill it with loving people and happy memories. Not fending off verbal abuse by your BFF.

- If you have a friend who never seems to have money, asks you to borrow things and never returns them or steals, your alarm bells should be going off like mad. Friendship is equal. You should be able to feel like you can go out with them and not have to shout them beer constantly. Maybe you should sit them down and tell them to manage their finances better before you go out with them again. As far as borrowing stuff and not returning it and stealing. Its not on. A major trust issue with allowing people into your house in the first place is trusting they wont rob you. First its a top, then a dress then its your beloved Burberry handbag you found on sale. Letting people get away with stuff like this only encourages them to keep doing it until they get caught. Using stuff without asking (this applies to people you live with mostly) is just as rude. My old housemate used to use my laptop without asking all the time. Soon she was going into my room to use it when I was at work, then deleting my important data. See? It escalates. People should always ask if they want to use something. No matter how small. Its a respect thing.


SOS My boyfriend is a jerk!

I have the worst track record when it comes to dating. I sure can pick em! They're always nice at first. But then Dr. Jekyll is gone and you have Mr. Hyde. Relationships, like friendships, should be equal. If one of you is more selfish than the other or you have different needs then there could be a problem. Given this is only a could. If you don't feel right in your relationship, there could be a good reason. And in this case there is sadly one solution. People don't change.

- "He hates my friends and gets jealous easily". I hear this soooo often its not funny. This is one of those silly trust issues that come about more often then you think. I dated a guy who was jealous of the attention I gave my DOG. Ridiculous. You shouldn't waste your time with people like this, as its obvious that they have 'issues' and probably cant be trusted themselves. You can do better. And your partner should always love your friends. Especially if you do.

- If the response to "does my bum look big in this" is 'yes' or you hear things that make you feel ashamed more than usual or at all. Chances are you're with a control freak. Get out. Seriously. Equality remember? Putting you down and making you feel small is how some people control the ones around them and its a form of bullying. You don't have to change a thing. You're the catch remember? Never let a man put you down or make you feel insignificant. Looks or otherwise. You're amazing. And he should tell you that as much and as often as he can.

* Real men will always treat you like the queen you are. Always.

If you guys have any other questions, if you're having more complicated troubles, I can post an answer for you anonymously.


Stay Amazing.

xoxo

Pick me up!

Sometimes we all feel a little down. Sometimes when we feel a little down we cant see to see anything 'la vie en rose' no matter how hard we try. This in itself can make your mood worse and all you want to do is 'poof' and vanish. The world can be a tough place when you're by yourself and there isn't always a helping hand. So I have written a few things that work for me when I'm in the deepest and bluest of the deep blue funks.

♥Take a bath, add bubbles and turn on some calming music. Breathe slowly and focus on your breath. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Clear your head. Relax. Its just you and the water.

♥Jump on your bed. Being silly and the physical exertion will activate endorphins and get you feeling a bit better. To step it up, put on some bright colored clothing and go for a run.

♥Clean your house. Getting rid of ex boyfriends belongings. Give the dog a bath. A tidy up can make you feel like you've accomplished something and will clear your head. Force yourself to do it. Turn up your iPod and get cracking.

♥Calorie fest. Yes I know its a bit weird to suggest it, but it works. Don't do it all the time though. That's when it gets a bit destructive. Eating isn't a solution. But its nice to have a couple choccies when you're feeling blue.

♥Rug up and watch a bad movie. The special effects being terrible and the mic coming down from the top of the screen will be sure to make you laugh. And you don't have to stick to 'bad' movies either, pick out a romance movie, grab some tissues and let out some of that hurt, or you could get a cool action flick and yell at the screen.

♥Retail Therapy. Try to stay away from buying clothing though, if it doesn't look right or things are a little small, it'll make you feel worse. Go to the Bodyshop, Lush, Tiffany&Co. Cartier, or Louis Vutton. Accessories and body stuff don't often come in sizes and when it doesn't suit you, you wont take it personally. Pick up something nice or just try stuff on. Spoiling yourself a little can help you feel a lot better.

♥Sing! Crank up your best party mix and go nuts! Scream if you have to! Let out some of those feelings. Why keep whats hurting you?

♥Sleep. You can wake up feeling relaxed and refreshed, often feelings like stress and anxiety can wear you out, you become exhausted and some shut eye will help fix that. You should be getting 6 hours sleep a night, at least! Your body needs to sleep so it can heal and regain energy to run properly. Also make sure you're eating properly and excersising. Stay awat from caffene and sugar before you sleep to get there quicker and if you're still having trouble speak to your GP.

♥Go for a walk. Get on a train to nowhere. Just being alone and doing what you want can give you a high and make you feel better. Know that you have no one to please but yourself and in that you'll stress less about the rest of the stuff your life.

♥Read. Curling up on the couch or in the park or on the beach with a good book can get you out of your head and into to someone else's. Try any Jane Austin, Patric Suskind's Perfume, Daphne du Maurier's Rebecca, F. Scott Fitsgerald's The Great Gatsby or The Lambs of London by Peter Ackroyd. Stop by your nearest Dymmoks or Boarders and see what they have to offer. You can pick up a few books and delve deep into your own imagination. Your mind is the limit.


Feel better soon!

xoxo

How to wear hats (when you hate them)

I hate hats. I do. Honestly they can look as good as they want on me, I wont enjoy wearing them unless I am having a hair day that leaves me resembling a bush. But like with many accessories I have had to sit down and decide what I should be wearing, even when my hair is respectable, or God forbid, good.

Go on. Say it."You think that hat looks great on me! I've heard this before.. You're not changing my mind. No I wont buy it." If this sounds like you when you're wondering through stores with your friends trying on accessories as you pass them, then welcome to my world. I am terrified of hats. And the reason? Hat hair.. The very thought gets me in a cold sweat! I cant bear the thought of my beloved hair all creased and misshapen after I have spent even 10 minutes on it. Granted I have hats. We all have bad hair days and sometimes they seem to be the only option, but mixed in with my coherent-hair-inclusive outfits? *gasp* Nooo! How terrifying. This problem of mine got to a stage where I got a stern telling off from a friend about the matter. Then I had a craving for a particular hat and its all been downhill from there. I still hate them. But I've had to learn to trust them with my hair.

I have found a few hats, ones that have had to be great in so many ways that they can be worn - with dignity and my hair done.

♥The Barrett

I have a red one. Everyone should have one. A Barret is perfect for everything. Always. Classy and elegant. Not to mention nice to your hair. They have a certain je nei sei quoi about them and their charm is hard to beat. Get one. Seriously. Do it.*swoons* Goes with any hairstyle. Just up to you what you do with it!

♥Beanie

This hat can be done with class, I promise. Just steer clear of any made of polar fleece or super deluxe heavy duty knit. A good beanie should be thinly knitted, either machine or hand is fine, tight knit or loose is up to you, and they should never be too tight. Otherwise you'll look like a fisherman. And they should be neutral hair-type colors. Grey, red, black, white, cream. Stick with these. The awesome thing about beanies is you can wear them and still have a tulle flower in your hair. Wear chunky plaits, side ponytails, or leave your hair down. Never squeeze a high pony tail into one, stay away from ponytails that sit in the middle of your neck and I cant stress enough that you leave hair out of it. Never tuck it up. You'll look bald.

♥Straw Wide Brimmed Hat

Reserved only for the beach. You can get them from stores like Country Road and Billabong. They only really go with mature beachwear (i.e not board shorts and bikini. Try one piece and sarong), hair down and big sunnies. Get one for those sunny Summer days when you're heading to the beach.

♥Fedora

These are super cool but also super hard to find clothes they go with. (this only applies to girls) Stick with androgynous clothing, like pants and waistcoats. Wear chunky messy low tied hair styles and try not to take it off as this hat is notorious for the dreaded 'hat hair'. When you get your hair and the hat just right, leave it. Take it off only to scratch. Do not wear it with your hair down unless you have super long hair.

♥Pork Pie Hat

This hat is very cool and was very popular in the 60's when they were worn by the 'rude boys'. They are made of felt or less commonly straw. You should apply the same rules as with the Fedora. For those of you who've never heard of such a thing, here's a photo.

♥Trucker/baseball/gangster hat.

This hat I would usually condemn to use by only males, but I will say they can look cute. Note that i say 'can'. Try to get one that is as 'you' as possible, and make sure you have clothes that go with it. When wearing it you should not resemble a guy at all. You should dress in light weight clothing and avoid bulky stuff at all costs. Just leave your hair down and don't let it look ratty. Trucker hats on girls should look cute. See what I mean?

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Now that I've shown you some cool hat types you can know what to arm yourselves with so you don't get stuck in public with hat hair ever again after having to remove a hat you think looks crap. And FYI, the thing that sets hat hair off the worst is humid or super hot weather, making your head sweat and wetting your hair, ruining any straightening you many have spent all morning doing. Check the net if you think it could be a humid day. Or you could opt for slightly looser hats on warmer days.

Keep on truckin!

xoxo

Je t'aime, Ti Amo, I Love You..

With emails and text messages becoming the new form of conversation, the words "I Love You" are becoming less and less meaningful. As the world changes and people become more desensitised "I Love You" becomes "Love Ya" and it is fast turning into the way to say goodbye to everyone. I went over a few ways to really say I love you. And make it count.
Je t'aime!

Write something. Anything! A friend of mine recently broke up with his "Amazing Girlfriend" by mistake and is trying with all his heart to get her back. So he wrote her a letter - for which I was asked to proof read - and it really spoke to me. I only read the actual words once but it wasn't them that said he loved her. It was the way he said everything. With all his heart. "I need you, for without you I am not whole", the love flowed as this boy bore his whole heart to her. He didn't hold anything back, he wasn't scared of his feelings at all. Even though she might never take him back, he still let her know how loved and missed she really was. It was refreshing to see that this kind of love is still around.

You don't have to write a letter like his, as yes, sometimes it can be full on and a little scary, feelings are a hard thing to show, as a lot of us have been hurt and that scares us. Look at how people used to say"I love you" here and compare it to how people do nowadays. Its very very different. Love is now scary and weird, people don't want to suffer to find their great love. They want a quick-fix without all the emotion. Its a sad sight, but that's just how we've evolved emotionally as humans.

If you find writing a letter bearing all horrifying you could try writing all the things that makes you love them, look here for inspiration. Complement them and make them laugh. You could try your hand at a sonnet or some poetry too! (Its never outdated, I don't care what anyone says.) Just put that pen to paper and let the love flow.

You could even learn to say it in a different language! I have provided some for you below.

♥French - je t'aime
♥Italian/Latin - Ti amo
♥Japanese - Kimi o ai shiteru
♥Danish - Jeg elsker dig
♥German - Ich liebe Dich
♥Dutch - Ik hou van jou
♥Swedish - Ag älskar dig
♥Russian - Ya vas liubliu
♥Spanish - Te Amo
♥Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni

Love can come from anywhere, so be sure to stay prepared.

Do some art for him. Whether its painting, photography, sculpture, drawing, graffiti, or cooking. Whatever you do, do it with your heart. Who cares if you're not the most dexterous of people. If you do it with love, your message will shine through the scribbles. Think of all the great artists who worked in the name of Love! There are millions of artists out there who put their feelings for another out for the world to see. Become one and let the world know. Check out DeviantArt.com or Flickr for some examples or post your own!

Say it by showing them how well you know them. If you see something they would love, get it! A beautiful red autumn leaf pressed in a book for a while could make a great bookmark for your bookworm boyfriend, or maybe a Wall-e phone charm would be more fitting? What does he love? Get something that'll compliment him and show him you're thinking about him.

Try something he loves that you wouldn't usually do. Sometimes just going out of your way and showing interest in their hobbies can say more than words can. Get him to teach you, and actually listen! Don't just go watch him do it, get involved. If he likes to play football ask him if he could teach you a few moves, or if he's the artsy type, ask him if you can make something together! Its not hard, and you'll be learning something new. So you both win.

Touch him. No. Not like that.. Well.. Maybe later. What I'm trying to say is touch his body. Give him a massage, rub his head, squeeze his arms, scratch his back. Maybe have a bath together and give each other massages? Studies have shown that human touch releases endorphins and can help with stress and other illnesses. A 15 minute massage on a newborn baby will help it gain weight faster than if you don't. So get some scented oils and get sensual. Help him switch off. (And don't forget to get them back!)

Make Love. Don't just 'have sex' or 'f@#k' or whatever you call it. Making Love isn't just about the big finale, its about the whole experience. The world is now so caught up on everything being 'instant' and we all want everything 'now now now' it seems like most of us have lost the ability to Make Love. Take time to touch each other and kiss, go slowly and make eye contact. Pick a time when you can fall asleep together, and don't rush anything. Take time undressing each other and kiss him and be kissed all over. Put on some slow music, light candles, adjust the lighting, there are heaps of things you can do to set the mood. Foreplay is just as important as the actual lovemaking, as the foreplay will determine the length and type of sex. Hot, fast and heavy will get you just that. So slow it down and take your time. And no. 15 Minutes is not acceptable for this particular activity. Click here, or here or here for some 'how to's' to do it properly. Its harder than you think! But its definetly worth it. (Leave the websites open on your computer for your Mr. to 'happen' a pon if he doesn't get it). Making Love rather than just sex will bring you closer together as a couple and strengthen your love for each other. So its worth the time it takes to read up on it. You'll thank me.

Just spend time together. You don't need to spend money, go out or be anywhere exciting. Just lie in bed together and talk. Turn off your phones sometimes and make it all about you as 'we'. Cuddle, kiss, go for a walk and hold hands. I was playing a game on the net the other day and the other people - guys mainly - were talking about things they do for their girlfriends and wives. One guy woke up early and about to make his girlfriend breakfast in bed (even though he didnt understand why women like it), another had taken her skiing, another just took some time out of his day to tell his wife of 20 years how much he cares about and loved her. It doesnt always have to be him doing romantic things. Guys don't like to say it but they do like being spoilt sometimes. So go ahead. Take some time, make him feel special.

So I've given you a couple of ways to show the love. My main point is this though. Love like you've never been hurt, be understanding, have patience and be equals. Lets try and get that divorce rate down, get it right the first time.

Feel the Love!

xoxo